Apparently today is World Mental Health Day. What a funny day to have a mini break down. I had my ugly cry, my long shower, & my husband is watching our children. I feel better, but damn, mommin’ ain’t easy. I’m currently laying in bed while Daisy rolls around on me trying to sleep. She’s cutting teeth & that’s not easy either.
I had never really in-depth considered my own mental wellness until the “self-care” movement began a few years ago. Taking care of yourself should be such a “duh” task, but in reality it seems like a privilege, especially when you add kids into the mix. Do the things that you need to do for yourself so that you can be the best person for
everyone else. Makes total sense. I have stressors, just like everyone else. Mine are fewer than most, more than some. I feel like I’ve been coasting on decent mental health, but not really diving far beneath the surface.
I was doing self-care things, mostly making sure that I focus on making time to be creative, which is my top self-care goal & top priority outside of my children. Many days that means that few other items on my physical & mental healthcare checklist get checked off, including spending quality time with my husband, actually most days.
I’ve always considered myself to be low maintenance. I don’t take much time to groom myself, I don’t worry with high cost creams, products, & gadgets. I’m 33 & never really got the whole hair thing down, so I spend minimal time on it. “Come on, June. At least run a brush through it,” I say to myself as I catch a glimpse in the mirror. My hair has been an especially difficult subject since postpartum hair loss started with Calvin, almost 3 years ago. I’ve been not wanting to excessively brush my hair, due to all the hair fall. It’s a straight up mess & I’d rather not deal. I never really caught on with make-up either. Get up, get dressed, go. I shower a few times a week. I’m not trying to be stinky, but also don’t find much time to fit in a shower in these days. My husband goes to work before I wake up, & lately I prefer showering in the morning. If I don’t wake up in time, oh well.
I generally don’t look in a mirror these days. I don’t see myself when I do. It’s not a bad thing…or at least didn’t think it was when I automatically typed it. The woman staring back is beautiful, but I’ve always had a big disconnect between how I feel I look & how I really look. My appearance is such a little part of me to me. I don’t spend much time on it, because there’s so much more to life.
When I lived in L.A., I did occasional modeling, mostly to get photographers portfolios more rounded, but sometimes would take a paying gig. I loved & still do very much like seeing myself through the eyes of the photographer. Since having babes, I’ve been doing more photoshoots, trying to see more of myself. I want my children to have positive self images of themselves. I want them to love themselves, to respect themselves, to make time for themselves. They are beautiful. We all are.
All images by Phoebe Rust Photography