Tears Bring Change

The past two years have been a roller coaster of emotion. I'm just going to straight out say it: I am not at all happy with this administration. Every single day something has happened that has made me audibly sigh, shake my head, cry, or just feel defeated. I have found solace in my art & it has been extremely therapeutic to me. I feel the need to paint everyday & have painted almost everyday. My art varies in style, medium, & technique from time to time, but it's all the same outlet.

Last week, I was listening to this podcast, The Jealous Curator: Art For Your Ear with Danielle Krysa. She was saying something sweet about a guest that she had on & her enthusiasm made my eyes well. I used to frequent her blog, the jealous curator, years ago, but something happened & it fell off of my radar. About two months ago, I stumbled across this podcast & listen to it every night in my studio as I paint. I started at the beginning, because, if I know something's going to be good, that's what I must do. Maybe it's FOMO, I don't know. I'm hooked.

Anyway, I emailed her, thanking her for her work in writing about artists, talking to artists, & launching many emerging artist's careers. I told her how I cried & I felt comfortable in saying so to a total stranger because it did not feel as though she was one. I had, after all, listened to her talk, sometimes about personal things for hours on end. Something has to be said for being vulnerable to the world & allowing strangers to feel as though they're not alone & as though they're friends. I have, of course, had characters in books & in tv or movies that I've related to, but never really felt this sort of belonging. 

She responded to my email & I read the email in her voice, which I only really do with people I've known my entire life. It sparked something in me. I don't expect we'll be friends, having tea & baked goods, but this fandom is new for me. It felt as though she has been my cheerleader, pushing me forward in my work, which is so nice. Every episode had gems of wisdom, which I feel are meant for me & I only wish I had written them all down. 

Danielle said something a couple episodes back about reading interview answers that brought her to tears & again, I cried. Tonight, I listened & Sally Taylor was on & she said something that I thought was funny at first, but then felt true. It was something along the lines of "tears are the iceberg around your heart melting." I live my happy day with Calvin. We don't have to talk about anything in particular. The outside world does not matter much when I'm with him. But then, Nick brings him up to bed, & suddenly the news of the world falls on me. I have to listen, at least a little. How could I not? I want to be at least mildly informed. 

Since these last couple cries, I've felt lighter. I've felt a change in the air & I'm excited again. Last month, I sold 4 paintings. It had been a bit of a dry patch, mostly because I'm terrible at marketing & listing new work. I'm trying to get better. I have been thinking more about the future & what I want to do with my business. I have goals again & it feels good.

much love,

jj